Last Saturday, at 2:34 PM, a group of NASA scientists, dressed in black suits and wearing sunglasses, entered UNIS to study a rare phenomenon. They claimed they detected a rare instance of space distortion called Hyperspatium – something (they couldn’t exactly remember its name) apparently located in the cafeteria.

“We have never seen anything of this kind before,” said Ashley Bray, an expert who specializes in some of the confusing parts of physics. “It has so far been only described theoretically and we don’t know much about it yet.”

They do know, however, that these irregularities can transport objects to a different universe. This could help explain quite a few events that regularly occur at UNIS.

It could, for example, be the cause of the frequent disappearance of the cafeteria’s forks and knives. According to NASA, “small-scale aluminum entities such as food consumption implements are particularly susceptible to  transference to another universe,” meaning it is most likely physics, and not the school, that is to be blamed for the lack of forks.

The distortion would also account for the countless e-mails from students who think they have lost something. In fact, their belongings have been sent far, far away to another universe. This will be unfortunate news to them, as NASA estimates that the expenses of a jacket retrieval from space would cost at least 55 trillion dollars, plus tax.

As NASA continued to investigate the situation, they discovered that the distortion (also referred to as the black hole by people who don’t know what they’re talking about) has been here for three years. Further research showed that it was probably the result of a failed physics experiment. Or successful physics experiment, if its goal was to create a black hole.