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Zooming in on “Technical Difficulty” Claims

Image by Eren Levine.

By Sophia Lenczowski, Editor-in-Chief

April 21, 2020

Over the two weeks that UNIS has been conducting online learning, numerous people have reached out to the administration with concerns, feedback, and questions. One recurring question surrounded teacher disappearances, as multiple students reported that their teachers were not able to join the Schoology...

A/C Temperatures Rock United Nations School

A/C Temperatures Rock United Nations School

By Aki Gaythwaite

November 18, 2019

A crowd forms in chem lab 423 as students and teachers cluster around a pale student who, with chattering teeth and fumbling blue-tipped fingers, has curled up into a tight ball, shivering, in the corner of the laboratory. Someone from the crowd takes off their jacket and symbolically wraps it around...

T2 Contracts First Recorded Case of Early-Onset Senioritis

Illustration by Francis Smith

By Timothy Lin, former Editor-in-Chief

November 16, 2018

In what has been described as “the most bizarre medical anomaly of our time,” a T2 student has contracted the first known case of early-onset senioritis (EOS), NYC health department sources confirmed Wednesday. Senioritis, which afflicts an estimated 100% of T4 students every year, had previously...

UNIS Holds Fire Drill at Statistically Most Inconvenient Time

UNIS Holds Fire Drill at Statistically Most Inconvenient Time

By Timothy Lin, Former Editor-in-Chief

November 4, 2018

In what has been described as “one of the most agonizing 50 minutes in UNIS history,” UNIS conducted a fire drill at the statistically most inconvenient time possible, according to Fire Drill Department of New York (FDDNY) sources. The drill, which occurred at 11:20 AM on Friday, interrupted lunch...

NASA Discovers A Miniature Black Hole In The Middle Of UNIS

By Herbert Wimple

March 2, 2018

Last Saturday, at 2:34 PM, a group of NASA scientists, dressed in black suits and wearing sunglasses, entered UNIS to study a rare phenomenon. They claimed they detected a rare instance of space distortion called Hyperspatium – something (they couldn’t exactly remember its name) apparently located in th...